My buddy’s wife turns to me, and says, “The P.T.S.D. Monster paid us a visit last weekend. Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about.” I chuckled, and wondered what happened. The P.T.S.D. Monster is a fitting name to give to those that struggle with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder has been categorized as combative, non-combative, and sexual trauma. I will go into explaining all three on a different blog post. Right now I want to introduce you to the P.T.S.D. Monster’s mission, and that is to deprive its carrier of life.
One of the ways it does that is through depression. Depression is ugly, and those who have it usually have a hard time describing it. In my life I personified it. Usually, when it takes over it feels like I’m dead inside. I want to feel but I can’t. I want to be thankful, grateful, and all of those good things but I can’t. Then it feels like you’ll never get out or away from it.
People around you do not understand it. They’re wondering why you can’t reciprocate their emotions or feelings, and often it’s because depression is depriving you of life. The Monster is accomplishing its goal. So in your deprivation you isolate yourself. This is usually done unknowingly, and unwantedly, and it affects everyone around you.
An isolated place is a scary place to be, and in depression you can be there often. The ultimate way the Monster tries to deprive you there is by trying to talk you into killing your self. I can’t say I have not been there, and the thought alone bothers me deeply on a soul level. You can have everything going for you in life but in an isolated place none of that matters. It’s not about what you see or about what is true, it’s usually about what you feel or lack there of, and this for me is deadness.
Welcome to my life. The P.T.S.D. Monster is at work on a daily basis. Some days are better than others but I tell you what because of depression you appreciate the good days more. You appreciate life more because you really don’t know what to expect. I will go into how I fight this monster on a later post because The Monster is not my friend, he’s my enemy. His mission is to deprive me of life at every corner, and my mission has become to not let it gain any ground and to take back ground. There are ways we can go on the offensive.