You Had No Dad Either

It seems to be the same story just told and experienced slightly differently. I met a young man who said to me that though his father was there his father showed him no affection, and had never been involved in his life. He said he had a father but didn’t have a father if you can understand that. He told me that because of that he hoped to some day do it differently. I told him he already was. 

My father was not there for me growing up, and for a long time I hated him for it. Then as a young adult I visited this man, got a couple of beers with this man, did some drugs with this man, and realized that I was him all along. I stopped hating him then. You can say I forgave him but it wasn’t until I came to know the Lord that I truly understood what it meant to forgive my dad, and even after that I still struggled. 

After taking a few young men to a manhood camp some years ago I was challenged to deal with some issues I had going on with my father. You see I forgave him but there was still a lot of damage. So here I was a grown man, married with children, a house the whole nine but inside there was this little boy who somehow wished he had his dad. I still feel this way. So I texted my mom crying, and I told her I needed my dad but that I didn’t know how to communicate that to him. So she reached out to him, and for a moment a relationship ensued. I got to spend a little more time with him but it seemed that he loved alcohol more than me. That’s a tough place to be as a man. You’re vulnerable you know. How do you deal with that?

I come from a generational thing where the men aren’t necessarily the best fathers to their sons, and in turn the sons are not the best fathers to their sons. I’m changing that. My son has a father, and as long as the good lord will allow it I will be his father. The generational stupidity ends with me. My son will know who his dad is, and that his daddy loves him. I’m not playing around with that. 

I’m proud, and privileged to meet young men like the one aforementioned. They inspire me to continue down this road, and trust me this road ain’t easy but it will be worth it for future generations of young men. There are many young men like me, and many young girls too. It’s sad but we can choose to be different. We can be the change that we so wished for growing up, and it starts right now. Today is a good day to make the decision to be different, to be better, I know I’m doing it. 

2 thoughts on “You Had No Dad Either

  1. Regarding my perspective due to my own experience in life. I fathered my daughter and was denied my parental rights until she was almost 16. Once we reunited, I have been the best dad to her that I can be. She came to live with me so we can get to know each other and I have been a constant in her life and even though she now lives in Texas with her husband we constantly reach out to each other even though we both have busy lives especially with her raising three children. My point is that it’s easy to brag about being a father when a person is in plain sight but you should NEVER forget have to be a father when out of sight. For a child. just to be able to communicate with their father is a big thing no matter how old we get, so if a man doesn’t make that attempt, than he is failing as a father !! The love should go both ways !!

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